My Pants are Killer

Ok, so I know I bailed and then I sorta came back and then I got lame, but with the arrival of The Worst Pants Ever, I figured, what the hell, my ass makes a huge easy target and the pants sure don't help, so why not let 'em take aim. At least something will be hitting my ass...

So let's talk about these pants. They're a monstrosity. They could not make me look more ridiculous if they had the light up Lisa neon sign on the butt, a la Lisa Turtle. (Anyone who does not get that reference can just go sit in the corner and watch all 8 seasons of Saved By the Bell until they do.) But they are so bad, they're almost...good. Like, if you're going to go down in flames, better just totally rock out with your bad self. If you hesitate, the dogs will smell the fear on you and attack. But if you wear bright green pants that make your ass like like two sea lions mating, might as well say, "Yes, it's huge. And it's spectacular."

With that, Friends, The Roni hopes you'll welcome her back into your neighborhood. She's sorry she ran and hid under the bed. But, well, boys are scary, and the make me feel funny inside. I hope you understand.