Death to Frat Rock!
Apologies abound from The Roni!! She begs for your forgiveness and understanding. She knows she's been distant, and it's caused a deep rift in your meager existence.
First of all, the title of this post - The Roni loves fraternities, mostly because she loves boys, so she would never wish the death of anything having to do with a fraternity. This is just someone's iTunes name on the TGLSOAT network and she finds it catchy. (Deal with it people, the exam brain is overextended as it is - coming up with a post is more than The Roni is capable of, let alone a title!)
Second of all, April represented the combination of several of The Roni's most and least favorite activities - parties, parties, parties met studying, boooo. So basically she has spent the past 28 days wearing tube tops, teenie skirts, flip flops and her new Baby Phat sunglasses (a prized possession!) standing around a keg and flirting with boys. Oh what joy! And then, for arguably 15 hours a week (you do the math) she sat diligently IMing with the posse while her casebooks were open on the desk. It was a rough month.
Some Highlights? The most obvious, and by far The Roni's most favoritist, was the night of the Scavenger Hunt. One of Foxxy Cleopatra's very good friends organizes an elaborate night of "games" each week. This week Foxxy was allowed to bring some friends, with the instructions that we were to "bring a digital camera and wear comfortable shoes." The Roni's interest was piqued - we all know she just loves games! But she was a bit nervous that there wouldn't be enough booze at this particular event. Well, this turned out to be arguably one of the silliest fears of her life. (More so than her irrational fear of drive by shootings. She grew up in NoVa, went to private, all girls' school, and yet she's afraid of drive bys. Don't ask.) Let's just say that of the 8 or so things on the list, half were "take a picture drinking [insert concoctions which will make you forget how to spell your own name here]" and the other half were "take a picture doing [insert activity so humiliating and ridiculous one needed easily five beers before attempting here]." Basically, The Roni, Zeus, Foxxy and Hester P managed to run all over Charvegas (and I do mean run. At full tilt.) getting plastered and taking pictures of such things as "reading to children" and "30 people holding hands." (That one was particularly tricky, and The Roni feels proud that she was the one to interrupt all those nice outdoor diners to invite them to participate in our little game.)
At the end of this exercise in ridiculousness, we arrived back at Foxxy's friend's apartment and found shot glasses waiting for us. At this point, The Roni knew she was doomed. The scavenger hunt culminated in a Power Hour celebrating all our accomplishments (not limited to the game. Zeus, for example, got a toast for his, ahem, facility with the UGs). Apparently 60 minutes wasn't enough and the group decided to go for the Century Club. The Roni wouldn't know, because she achieved blackout around minute 69 (go figure). Let's just say that the pictures say it all post-minute 69 (we all know what color underwear Foxxy was wearing, the boys were passing around a "More than a feeling" t-shirt, The Roni was a lap-sitting fiend, and Zeus was the man behind the lens...) and that The Roni woke up somewhere she wasn't supposed to be the next morning fully clothed, minus one sock. (She still hasn't found that sock, by the way.) Wow.
But I digress - the point of this post is not to celebrate the debauchery that was April. Sure, there are TONS more stories involving french kissing (GWM!!), late night IM booty calls (apparently The Boobs has learned from The Roni's mistake - email booty calls don't pay), and more barbecuing debauchery. But those can come later. Right now I want to bitch about something that really irks me!! EXAM COUPLES!! You know who you are! You roll up to the library holding hands, you get coffee together, you spend the whole day IMing eachother. Sure you barely knew eachother when exams started, but now that you're wigging out and you have nothing to do all day but sit in the same dark corner and stare at your computer screen, you're feeling just a little bit vulnerable/desperate/needy. Thanks to the dearth of anything resembling a life, you've suddenly found the necessary room for "a boyfriend."
I see you sitting over there. I'm wise to your game. And let me tell you, it makes me sick. Not because I disapprove, but because I am flamboyantly jealous, plain and simple. Darn you for finding someone to relieve all that pent up exam stress with through some lengthy french kissing sessions. (NOTE: The Roni does not have any "pent up exam stress," as she literally cannot find it in herself to care about exams this semester, and she would never engage in a "lengthy french kissing session," nor does she particularly want to. But for the sake of the children in her audience (Bunny and Badger, you're such sweet, innocent things, The Roni would hate to corrupt you) (that's a damn lie. (a) neither of them are "innocent," and (b) The Roni would just love the chance to corrupt the shit out of the Badger), she will self-censor. (Wow, was that a mid-sentence parenthesis followed by another mid-sentence parenthesis divided into subparts, with airquotes? DAMN I'm good.).)
But once again, I digress. You can see how fired up this makes me. Does this bother anyone else? Does it make anyone else heinously jealous to hear your friends tell you how they can spend all day doing their own thang, and then know that at 12:30 their exam boyfriend is coming over to nuke them a hotpocket, tickle their back and then, ahem, service them? Because it makes me damn jealous!
Please, to all my friends, this does not mean I want you to stop telling me about it. In fact, I am dying to hear about it! I am so far from anything even remotely resembling this shangrila of booty arrangements, that I need to live vicariously through your stories.
So, to all you exam boyfriends and girlfriends out there, enjoy your newly coupled status. Live it up. Get the hell out of the library by 12 and make out with your new emotional crutch. Enjoy it. And tell The Roni every nasty detail the next day. How else am I going to get through the three to four hours I put in the library every day?
First of all, the title of this post - The Roni loves fraternities, mostly because she loves boys, so she would never wish the death of anything having to do with a fraternity. This is just someone's iTunes name on the TGLSOAT network and she finds it catchy. (Deal with it people, the exam brain is overextended as it is - coming up with a post is more than The Roni is capable of, let alone a title!)
Second of all, April represented the combination of several of The Roni's most and least favorite activities - parties, parties, parties met studying, boooo. So basically she has spent the past 28 days wearing tube tops, teenie skirts, flip flops and her new Baby Phat sunglasses (a prized possession!) standing around a keg and flirting with boys. Oh what joy! And then, for arguably 15 hours a week (you do the math) she sat diligently IMing with the posse while her casebooks were open on the desk. It was a rough month.
Some Highlights? The most obvious, and by far The Roni's most favoritist, was the night of the Scavenger Hunt. One of Foxxy Cleopatra's very good friends organizes an elaborate night of "games" each week. This week Foxxy was allowed to bring some friends, with the instructions that we were to "bring a digital camera and wear comfortable shoes." The Roni's interest was piqued - we all know she just loves games! But she was a bit nervous that there wouldn't be enough booze at this particular event. Well, this turned out to be arguably one of the silliest fears of her life. (More so than her irrational fear of drive by shootings. She grew up in NoVa, went to private, all girls' school, and yet she's afraid of drive bys. Don't ask.) Let's just say that of the 8 or so things on the list, half were "take a picture drinking [insert concoctions which will make you forget how to spell your own name here]" and the other half were "take a picture doing [insert activity so humiliating and ridiculous one needed easily five beers before attempting here]." Basically, The Roni, Zeus, Foxxy and Hester P managed to run all over Charvegas (and I do mean run. At full tilt.) getting plastered and taking pictures of such things as "reading to children" and "30 people holding hands." (That one was particularly tricky, and The Roni feels proud that she was the one to interrupt all those nice outdoor diners to invite them to participate in our little game.)
At the end of this exercise in ridiculousness, we arrived back at Foxxy's friend's apartment and found shot glasses waiting for us. At this point, The Roni knew she was doomed. The scavenger hunt culminated in a Power Hour celebrating all our accomplishments (not limited to the game. Zeus, for example, got a toast for his, ahem, facility with the UGs). Apparently 60 minutes wasn't enough and the group decided to go for the Century Club. The Roni wouldn't know, because she achieved blackout around minute 69 (go figure). Let's just say that the pictures say it all post-minute 69 (we all know what color underwear Foxxy was wearing, the boys were passing around a "More than a feeling" t-shirt, The Roni was a lap-sitting fiend, and Zeus was the man behind the lens...) and that The Roni woke up somewhere she wasn't supposed to be the next morning fully clothed, minus one sock. (She still hasn't found that sock, by the way.) Wow.
But I digress - the point of this post is not to celebrate the debauchery that was April. Sure, there are TONS more stories involving french kissing (GWM!!), late night IM booty calls (apparently The Boobs has learned from The Roni's mistake - email booty calls don't pay), and more barbecuing debauchery. But those can come later. Right now I want to bitch about something that really irks me!! EXAM COUPLES!! You know who you are! You roll up to the library holding hands, you get coffee together, you spend the whole day IMing eachother. Sure you barely knew eachother when exams started, but now that you're wigging out and you have nothing to do all day but sit in the same dark corner and stare at your computer screen, you're feeling just a little bit vulnerable/desperate/needy. Thanks to the dearth of anything resembling a life, you've suddenly found the necessary room for "a boyfriend."
I see you sitting over there. I'm wise to your game. And let me tell you, it makes me sick. Not because I disapprove, but because I am flamboyantly jealous, plain and simple. Darn you for finding someone to relieve all that pent up exam stress with through some lengthy french kissing sessions. (NOTE: The Roni does not have any "pent up exam stress," as she literally cannot find it in herself to care about exams this semester, and she would never engage in a "lengthy french kissing session," nor does she particularly want to. But for the sake of the children in her audience (Bunny and Badger, you're such sweet, innocent things, The Roni would hate to corrupt you) (that's a damn lie. (a) neither of them are "innocent," and (b) The Roni would just love the chance to corrupt the shit out of the Badger), she will self-censor. (Wow, was that a mid-sentence parenthesis followed by another mid-sentence parenthesis divided into subparts, with airquotes? DAMN I'm good.).)
But once again, I digress. You can see how fired up this makes me. Does this bother anyone else? Does it make anyone else heinously jealous to hear your friends tell you how they can spend all day doing their own thang, and then know that at 12:30 their exam boyfriend is coming over to nuke them a hotpocket, tickle their back and then, ahem, service them? Because it makes me damn jealous!
Please, to all my friends, this does not mean I want you to stop telling me about it. In fact, I am dying to hear about it! I am so far from anything even remotely resembling this shangrila of booty arrangements, that I need to live vicariously through your stories.
So, to all you exam boyfriends and girlfriends out there, enjoy your newly coupled status. Live it up. Get the hell out of the library by 12 and make out with your new emotional crutch. Enjoy it. And tell The Roni every nasty detail the next day. How else am I going to get through the three to four hours I put in the library every day?
posted by The Roni at 9:52 AM
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