Today is a good day
The Roni is happy. A sweet, sublime happiness has decended on her that, try as she might, just doggone won't go away. It may be that she only has one more pesky exam before the sweet bliss that is Christmas in the Pacific Northwest is hers. It may be the fabulous "Mid-Exam Going Out Night" she recently attended that was just REPLETE with delicious blind items. It may be GayWASPiness who passes teenie morsels of vunderbar gossip her way. It may be her new favorite movie, in which Queen Latifah so poignantly asks "does this make my butt look big? Yeah? Ok good." It may be the solid telling off she gave The Nemesis in her dream last night. It may be Matisyahu, who she cannot stop listening and has made her question whether she may also be a hacidic jew with a panache for reggae. But whatever it is, she's just plum happy. And she'd like for you to be happy too.
So now, some stories. As clarification, the past 72 hours have been almost surreal. Somehow we managed to survive them, but a few of us came away with some battle scars.
To start things rolling, which Mean Girl...it's almost too easy, I feel bad making it a blind item, but I suppose there are some of you who have just emerged from a cave somewhere deep in the appalaichans and would not know who this was...so which Mean Girl recently went bar hopping, where she met a cute UG...who goes to VT...with whom she left the bar and went to a UG party...where, after 5 minutes, she demanded to be walked to her car...where she proceeded to swap spit for several minutes, at which point said VT UG says to her "wouldn't this be warmer in your car?" So into the BACK SEAT OF THE CAR they go...where they french kiss some more...only to be startled by strange lights shining into the back seat of the car...which turned out to be from the POLICE...who hauled them out of the car and LECTURED them about how you couldn't "do that" on school property (The Roni would normally stop here to point out the irony of that statement, but she doesn't want to interrupt her flow...) yes, so they couldn't "do that" on school property...and tossed out the word "felony" (The Roni quakes in her boots at the thought that french kissing could be a felony because she'd be serving 20 to life...) and then summarily dismissed them and told them to get the hell off school property...at which point VT UG RUNS AWAY leaving Regina George standing there (oops! it slipped out!) with the cops, unable to call back the UG because she didn't KNOW HIS NAME...so RG gets back into the car, but has to wait 20 minutes for the windows to DEFOG before she can leave...and the cops wait next to the car the WHOLE TIME...and she was sober.
The Roni doesn't even know what to say about this. The last time something like that happened to her it was the late 80s and she was starring in "Shag." At least RG didn't come away with a face full of shaving cream like poor Bridget Fonda.
Our second blind item involves another Mean Girl who, like a rabid Bunny let out of her cage, proceeded to dance topless on the bar and then makeout in the corner with a newly single stud for at least 20 minutes. Ok, one of those two didn't happen. You be the judge.
In another corner of that same bar, which of the Panty Posse was trying to convince the Sorority Sister that she was "psychic" and then begged for a ride to her ex boyfriends house at 2am because she "wanted to see her dog." The Sorority Sister put it best when she said "if that's your name for your ex's [insert inappropriate body part south of the equator here], then yeah, I believe you."
In more craziness from that same night, which two Close Personal Friends of The Roni were found by The Professor on the Naughty Porch inflagrante, at which point The Professor pulls up a chair to watch it with his very own eyes.
Also, apolgies on Zeus's behalf for calling you 15 times at 3am on Friday. And if he imed you and begged to come over (The Sorority Sister), he's sorry too.
With that, The Roni would like to name the Hottie of the Week. This week, in an unusual turn of events (unusual because normally there is a 15 person war room meeting just trying to come up with ONE hottie since there seems to be a dirth of cute boys lately. Cute butts are one thing, but a full on hottie? That's hard to find) we have a TIE!! Tied for Hottie this week are that one sumptuous 2L whom The Roni named in a blind item after the party at The Den of Iniquity. Baby, The Roni loves talking on the phone with you. And if you ever want The Roni to accompany your delicious self...anywhere (hell, I'd go to the drycleaners with you!), you know where to find her.
And our other winner is a newcomer to my ether-manse. For being hilarious and adorable on Friday, The Roni wants to bestow this honor on The Journalist. The Roni won't hold it against you that you have a girlfriend. She loves you in spite of all your faults.
Thank you to everyone for making sheer, ridiculous fools of yourselves on Friday. The Roni has something to try and outdo on Wednesday. Oh, and stay tuned for that night. Some of us aren't going to make it out alive. And some of us are just going to make out. (Two Boots...I'd start running if I were you...)
So now, some stories. As clarification, the past 72 hours have been almost surreal. Somehow we managed to survive them, but a few of us came away with some battle scars.
To start things rolling, which Mean Girl...it's almost too easy, I feel bad making it a blind item, but I suppose there are some of you who have just emerged from a cave somewhere deep in the appalaichans and would not know who this was...so which Mean Girl recently went bar hopping, where she met a cute UG...who goes to VT...with whom she left the bar and went to a UG party...where, after 5 minutes, she demanded to be walked to her car...where she proceeded to swap spit for several minutes, at which point said VT UG says to her "wouldn't this be warmer in your car?" So into the BACK SEAT OF THE CAR they go...where they french kiss some more...only to be startled by strange lights shining into the back seat of the car...which turned out to be from the POLICE...who hauled them out of the car and LECTURED them about how you couldn't "do that" on school property (The Roni would normally stop here to point out the irony of that statement, but she doesn't want to interrupt her flow...) yes, so they couldn't "do that" on school property...and tossed out the word "felony" (The Roni quakes in her boots at the thought that french kissing could be a felony because she'd be serving 20 to life...) and then summarily dismissed them and told them to get the hell off school property...at which point VT UG RUNS AWAY leaving Regina George standing there (oops! it slipped out!) with the cops, unable to call back the UG because she didn't KNOW HIS NAME...so RG gets back into the car, but has to wait 20 minutes for the windows to DEFOG before she can leave...and the cops wait next to the car the WHOLE TIME...and she was sober.
The Roni doesn't even know what to say about this. The last time something like that happened to her it was the late 80s and she was starring in "Shag." At least RG didn't come away with a face full of shaving cream like poor Bridget Fonda.
Our second blind item involves another Mean Girl who, like a rabid Bunny let out of her cage, proceeded to dance topless on the bar and then makeout in the corner with a newly single stud for at least 20 minutes. Ok, one of those two didn't happen. You be the judge.
In another corner of that same bar, which of the Panty Posse was trying to convince the Sorority Sister that she was "psychic" and then begged for a ride to her ex boyfriends house at 2am because she "wanted to see her dog." The Sorority Sister put it best when she said "if that's your name for your ex's [insert inappropriate body part south of the equator here], then yeah, I believe you."
In more craziness from that same night, which two Close Personal Friends of The Roni were found by The Professor on the Naughty Porch inflagrante, at which point The Professor pulls up a chair to watch it with his very own eyes.
Also, apolgies on Zeus's behalf for calling you 15 times at 3am on Friday. And if he imed you and begged to come over (The Sorority Sister), he's sorry too.
With that, The Roni would like to name the Hottie of the Week. This week, in an unusual turn of events (unusual because normally there is a 15 person war room meeting just trying to come up with ONE hottie since there seems to be a dirth of cute boys lately. Cute butts are one thing, but a full on hottie? That's hard to find) we have a TIE!! Tied for Hottie this week are that one sumptuous 2L whom The Roni named in a blind item after the party at The Den of Iniquity. Baby, The Roni loves talking on the phone with you. And if you ever want The Roni to accompany your delicious self...anywhere (hell, I'd go to the drycleaners with you!), you know where to find her.
And our other winner is a newcomer to my ether-manse. For being hilarious and adorable on Friday, The Roni wants to bestow this honor on The Journalist. The Roni won't hold it against you that you have a girlfriend. She loves you in spite of all your faults.
Thank you to everyone for making sheer, ridiculous fools of yourselves on Friday. The Roni has something to try and outdo on Wednesday. Oh, and stay tuned for that night. Some of us aren't going to make it out alive. And some of us are just going to make out. (Two Boots...I'd start running if I were you...)
posted by The Roni at 11:14 AM
9 Comments:
"in flagrante delicto" -- the best latin legal phrase (aka "Brocard") that, unfortunately, you may have never learned in Crim Law.
Yes thank you. The Roni disclaims any knowledge of ever having taken and/or attended Crim Law. She always appreciates being corrected. Not. Please send flowers.
Tres censorship! "Inappropriate body part"? Let's not sacrifice comedy for class. Plus, there is nothing inappropriate about penises (peni? - for a full discussion of the proper plural form see http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mplurals.html)!
It was not twenty minutes. Of dancing on the bar. Or whatever. ~ Mean Girl from second blind item
Nice try "mean girl from the second blind item." Don't you think every single person in Char-vegas who was at the bar saw you shaking your money maker up there? That's the last time I play "Jingle Bell Rock" with you around...
Oh - Roni, not a correction. Just snaps for you having used a sweet phrase. By "you," I meant in in the general sense, as in "the normal person."
I heart you.
aw, this anon character is nice. Not the second anon, b/c she's not really anonymous (yes, we know who you are rodent-named mean girl!)
No. I don't think your ass is too big.
I only published that last comment because I was intrigued. It's true my ass has a gravitational pull all its own, but i find it curious that someone took notice and wanted to alert me to that fact. Do I know this D.C. (inappropriate name that I don't entirely approve of) and if so, who is he/she? Fascinating. It's truly a mystery. And you know The Roni loves a good mystery.
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