Eartha Kitt ain't got nothin on me
Happy 6th Day of Exam posting!! (that's what this is, right?)
Today I come to you with a fabulous little pick me up idea. I realize that we're all starting to wonder if it is not, in fact, normal to wear no underwear whatsoever for days in a row (no undies bcs there is no chance you're doing laundry, and you've only got so many pairs of white grannie panties - and there's no way your wearing lacy dental floss under your sweats. No bra because, well, that's just not how you roll during exams), throw your hair in a nappy bun every day, have no human interaction other than the Yuan Ho delivery guy (who knows your name by now. And what exam you have tomorrow. Sadly he has no pointers on how to overcome minimalist constitutionalism.), and drink more than 4 32oz Diet Dr. Peppers a day. We wonder if moving the mounting pile of clothes back and forth from your desk to your bed, depending on whether it's light or dark outside, counts as "cleaning." And we fear we will never be "normal" again.
Never fear - you are not alone! And so, darling little elves (Holiday appropriate pet name), here is The Roni's tip for how to add a little pep to your step:
1. Put on a bra. And pants. Get in car, drive to nearest perveyor of enormous coffee drinks. I'm talking ENORMOUS. (If this baby has to overcome 5+ nights of 4 hours of sleep, it better be bigger than your head.)
2. Pound half of aforementioned coffee drink.
3. Get back in car. Turn on Eartha Kitt. Sing "Santa Baby" as loud as humanly possible in your car. While driving. FAST.
4. Rewind. Sing "Santa Baby" again. Only this time do it sexy. And add a sexy little shoulder dip. Maybe dance sexy in your car seat. Everyone around you is amazed by your incredible voice, your sultry moves, your animal charisma. The Roni wants you.
5. Look at yourself in the rearview mirror - you are one fine, sexy, Christmas beast. And in 9 days you can drink your face off and forget about the Federal Income Tax Code once and for all.
Now then, don't you feel better? I know I did when I did that. (Apologies for anyone who drove by The Roni mobile this morning and was unable to resist the powerful sexual energy radiating from it. Or for the sound of one thousand dying girraffes. Whichever you noticed more. The Roni does not have the best, how you say, singing voice known to man. She let's Foxxy do all her singing for her.
And now my little red nosed reindeer - go out and sing your little patooties off! DEMAND that platinum mine. You deserve it!
Today I come to you with a fabulous little pick me up idea. I realize that we're all starting to wonder if it is not, in fact, normal to wear no underwear whatsoever for days in a row (no undies bcs there is no chance you're doing laundry, and you've only got so many pairs of white grannie panties - and there's no way your wearing lacy dental floss under your sweats. No bra because, well, that's just not how you roll during exams), throw your hair in a nappy bun every day, have no human interaction other than the Yuan Ho delivery guy (who knows your name by now. And what exam you have tomorrow. Sadly he has no pointers on how to overcome minimalist constitutionalism.), and drink more than 4 32oz Diet Dr. Peppers a day. We wonder if moving the mounting pile of clothes back and forth from your desk to your bed, depending on whether it's light or dark outside, counts as "cleaning." And we fear we will never be "normal" again.
Never fear - you are not alone! And so, darling little elves (Holiday appropriate pet name), here is The Roni's tip for how to add a little pep to your step:
1. Put on a bra. And pants. Get in car, drive to nearest perveyor of enormous coffee drinks. I'm talking ENORMOUS. (If this baby has to overcome 5+ nights of 4 hours of sleep, it better be bigger than your head.)
2. Pound half of aforementioned coffee drink.
3. Get back in car. Turn on Eartha Kitt. Sing "Santa Baby" as loud as humanly possible in your car. While driving. FAST.
4. Rewind. Sing "Santa Baby" again. Only this time do it sexy. And add a sexy little shoulder dip. Maybe dance sexy in your car seat. Everyone around you is amazed by your incredible voice, your sultry moves, your animal charisma. The Roni wants you.
5. Look at yourself in the rearview mirror - you are one fine, sexy, Christmas beast. And in 9 days you can drink your face off and forget about the Federal Income Tax Code once and for all.
Now then, don't you feel better? I know I did when I did that. (Apologies for anyone who drove by The Roni mobile this morning and was unable to resist the powerful sexual energy radiating from it. Or for the sound of one thousand dying girraffes. Whichever you noticed more. The Roni does not have the best, how you say, singing voice known to man. She let's Foxxy do all her singing for her.
And now my little red nosed reindeer - go out and sing your little patooties off! DEMAND that platinum mine. You deserve it!
posted by The Roni at 11:49 AM
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